Lesbian PIRATE Vampire From Outer Space

2:53 pm September 27th, 2005

Then Welcome

wakaba_chan

Pride and Prejudice

First of all, I appreciate that it was a film rather than a series, and so obviously they didn't have nearly enough time to cram everything in. However, to a person who has neither read the book or seen the series, it would have confused the fuck out of them.

Now to rip the film to shreds!

+ The house the Bennet's were living in was awful and wrong. They lived in a vicarage, not a medieval cottage with pigs running around the place. It suggested that they were very poor, where in fact they were middle class.

+ All the girls were really artificial. At least the 1995 girls had character.

+ Mrs Bennet was awful. She wasn't funny and the way she said her lines was appalling. She has nothing on Alison Steadman, who hits Mrs Bennet off perfectly.

+ Bingley (the idiot on the right) was one of the worst characters. While he isn't as intelligent as Darcy or Lizzy, he is not a moron. He's very sweet and very nice and is, above all else, a gentleman. In the film he's a coxcomb. His hair is all over the place - something that a young wealthy gentleman would take not to appear, especially with a sister like Caroline.

+ Bingley's other sister and her husband were missing. Bad move. The two sisters - the two wicked sisters! - do each other credit in convincing the audience that they're wankers. Caroline on her own just seems very petty.

+ When Darcy and Bingley enter the ballroom, everyone stops dancing and stares at them! Then they make a gangway so the trio can walk through! What? That would never happen in Jane Austen's time. The people watching the dance may have stared at the latecomers (very rude of them to turn up so late) but they would not have broken up the dance.

+ The fashions were terrible! There was a mismatch of the Macaroni fashion and the Dandy fashions. I would expect the older generation to favour the older fashion - such as wearing wigs, or having hair tied back, but in general the younger generation would have had shorter hair and would have worn the latest fashion (just because they're in Hertfordshire doesn't mean they have no idea about the latest fashions!).

+ Bingley strolled into the bedroom Jane was occupying when she was ill. She was wearing nothing but her underwear. Ha.

+ At Bingley's ball, Caroline was wearing her underwear. That's all I can describe it as. Underwear. What sort of respectable person would go to a ball in her underwear? She would have worn an elegant dress that not only showed off her figure but would also display to everyone else how rich she was - she would have worn the finest silks etc etc. I was shocked!

+ Darcy's appearance throughout the film was awful, and not just because he wasn't Colin Firth. Darcy is always dressed perfectly. Despite his manners, his appearance proclaims the gentleman. He would not go out with his hair hanging all over his face looking like an idiot. This Darcy looked like a lost puppy throughout the film - even when he does show emotion (he raises his voice at Lizzy! oh no!) it's not very convincing. When he tells Lizzy that he loves her I wanted to laugh - nothing about him suggested it in the very least!

+ Mr Bennet wasn't very good. In the film it was obvious that Mr and Mrs Bennet had something going on - there's a part where Mr Bennet is sitting next to his wife in bed and is about to kiss her, only the camera pans away. Mr and Mrs Bennet despise each other! Even Jane says that one of the reasons why she wants to marry for love is because of the example set by her parents. They're almost a big happy family in this version!

+ The younger sisters were boring. Lyddy wasn't outrageous and her relationship with Wickham wasn't apparant at all. She was very unconvincing. I couldn't tell Kitty and Lydia apart because they looked the same.

+ All the family listened in on the conversations, even Jane and Mr Bennet. This was supposed to be the funny part of the plot. Haha.

+ Wickham was crap. He wasn't charming, he wasn't elegant, he wasn't graceful. He didn't seem as though he was a kicked puppy. He just looked stupid, as you can see.

+ Jane was a nightmare. She didn't convince me that she was a nice friendly girl who couldn't think bad of anyone. She was just a pretty face. I think they must've chosen her for the blonde hair. Oh, and the fact that she and the producer 'hooked up'.

+ Mr Collins wasn't just a bad character, but the person who played him was probably picked out from the street. He couldn't act! His eyes were darting all over the place and he didn't appear to be a very silly person. He was just boring.

+ Sorry, Lizzy, I thought you were in Derbyshire, not Scotland? Oh, right! I forgot! We have to make Derbsyhire look as beautiful and wild as possible. The one in the 1995 version is much more convincing because it's much more realistic.

+ Would the housekeeper really let people wonder aimlessly around her master's house if she knew he was in? Hmmm...

+ Lady Catherine paid a visit to the Bennet's in the middle of the night. Yes, she was outraged, yes she wanted to do everything in her power to upset Lizzy's supposed engagement to Darcy, but she was still a 'snobby aristocrat' as someone has described her and she would never ever forget her manners. She would not go to someone's house in the middle of the night. She just wouldn't do it. She would pay her a visit during the day. This part was outrageous and I'm shocked that they actually put it in.

+ Would the housemaids really be skipping around the place and singing when everyone was supposed to be in bed? They'd get sacked!

+ Would Darcy really stride out to meet Lizzy in his pyjamas? Would she meet him in a field just so she could snog the pants off him? Hmm!

+ The person who directed it thinks in puppet terms (I wonder if he's seen Being John Malkovich?) and, here I quote, "I really like the way the Bennets live in a house surrounded by a moat. It's like five virgins living on an island." Yeah, whatever.

+ It's good in a 21st Century way i.e. the people know fuck all about the period they're supposed to be putting forward. If they wanted it to appeal to idiots who don't seem to understand that this was set in a different period then they should have modernised it.

EDITED:

+ As

alkhoon pointed out, the bit on the terrace is fucking trashy. That's all I can say. Romantic? I think not! Like she'd ever meet him so openly! How on earth did he know where she was?

+ He kept barging into the cottage, and at one point late at night. Why did he just barge in? Why didn't the housekeeper announce him?

+ When Lizzy was dancing with both Mr Collins and Darcy, why on earth did they stop halfway through and argue at each other? Did they not realise that to break up the ENTIRE DANCE (which is what they would have done if they had just stopped!) was one of the rudest things they could possibly do? Even if you despised your partner, you had to keep on dancing until the end! Then you could stand around and shout at each other! Arrrrgh!

Well, that was a little longer than I anticipated. I do like some things! Honest!

feeling:

awight

27 sung | I want to be your Canary

Comments

From:	gauroth
Date:	September 27th, 2005 - 01:54 pm

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Nice one, mate!

(Reply) (Thread)

From:	wakaba_chan
Date:	September 27th, 2005 - 02:00 pm

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Awight?